I’ve been waiting for the right inspiration to write my heart out. I wanted to be positive and upbeat, because that’s what good mums are right? But trying not to judge other mums, means I need to stop judging myself too. So I'm going to be honest, authentic and raw. Because motherhood isn't always like the baby commercials. Because we're not robots. We're women, under a hell of a lot of pressure.
So here goes.
This week has been an outright challenge. All I want to do is lay in bed and sleep, I’m so exhausted from a combination of extremely out of wack hormones (thanks to the last 4.5 years of pregnancy and breastfeeding) and children that have been waking a gazillion times a night.
I’ve been trying my absolute hardest, to be present for my children and to hold space for their huge emotions (hello intensely strong willed 4 year old and a newly two year old who’s discovered tantrums). But it is tough. My emotional capacity is full. I need someone to hold space for my huge emotions.
So today, it all got the best of me. Between trying to maintain a semi decent house, keep two boys happy and try to “take care” of myself (finding 20 minutes to do YouTube yoga is finding to be extremely difficult), I lost it.
I’ve had enough. Today, I don’t want to be a mum. And I feel extremely guilty and ashamed for saying it. Especially because I know the extent to which some people go to have children, yet I so easily (and accidentally) fell pregnant twice and have two healthy children.
I am thankful for so much, but today I’ve had enough. Today, I want to run away. Today, I have nothing left to give.
I hope I’m not alone in thinking this. But being a mum is the hardest, most thankless, most exhausting job in the world. Sure there are great moments along the way, and I probably wouldn’t change it, but I’m ready for a long holiday alone.
Cheers to the "weekend" (no such thing when you're a mum).